Mess...

What does it take to restart?

All the time telling that now is the "that time", is turning to joke again...
Night is the day, day is the night...
And snowballs are real...snowcastle weight snowballs...
Yesterday i felt that feeling again...feeling that was long forgotten...
I got home about 3 o'clock and just passed some picture albums that were on table...
Strange is that, i am starting to get intrested more in negatives, than the pictures themselves...
And i found many of them...but no pictures...only negatives...
It's much more interesting to look them than plain picture...no riddles, no fun...
And i lived in these moments again...living the picture taking moments again...
Good memories...better memories...some best memories...
I just wanted to jump back in all those moments...all them together...
But that's the obstruction - "Too much, too everything, too same time"...
Thats what drive us away...
Away from our soberness...

Actually i drive past Your house every night...it's like a habit already...
Sometimes the living room light is on...then i know...i know that i still don't know...
And i console myself, that You don't know either...but maybe You know...maybe You have figured it all out already and i'm not qualified...maybe...maybe...maybe....
And i'm afraid to ask...afraid to wreck something...something that IS...instead of having nothing...
Maybe i'm crazy...
But least i'm still around :)


About the feelings again...
Another moment was, when i read a blog...blog of someone, who wrote me that maybe he's coming home for a while...
But then was the silence again..for days...
I actually looked Mary Jane's account, to see maybe he had replied to her, and i suddenly realized that it wasn't so painful anymore...
Not a pain to see the pictures...i smiled when i looked the last picture, signed as "in another lifetime"...
Yes... it all was another lifetime...her another lifetime...but not mine...i didn't died...
Maybe that last thing is good...maybe it's bad...again assfull of maybes :P
Well..."if too much can't kill me, nothing can" [Martin 2007(inspired on friend of mine)]
Maybe it is time to burn, before everything settles...as long as i don't crash and burn...
As long...
As long...
As long...
As long...i don't care...

This post obligatory: Alice In Chains & Pearl Jam - Alone (Unplugged)